Timmy: Is it wrong to regift something?
Me: I mean… I guess it depends on the item. If you regift a 1-day-old car, the recipient probably wouldn’t care.
Timmy: Cool. I’d like to regift Ashley.
Still my little boy
Timmy is taller than me now. I keep thinking my little boy is slowly disappearing but then he says cute things seriously like…”Ebenezer Scrooge is a ripoff of Scrooge McDuck” and I realize he’s still my little boy in some ways.
Me: Hey, Timmy. How was your day?
Timmy: Not bad. I had a substitute today with anger issues.
Meanest Person Ever Acceptance Speech
Oh wow. This trophy is so heavy. I wasn’t expecting to win. I didn’t prepare a speech.
First of all, I’d like to thank Timmy Dzidrums for awarding me the title of Meanest Person Ever.
To the other nominees, I am a fan of each and every one of you. I admire your mean-spiritedness so much. To even be in the same category as you boggles my mind. Your nastiness inspires me every day.
To my agent, thank you for taking a chance on me and believing in my meanness when few people did.
To my husband, you are my rock that I anchor my nasty attitude to every day. I know you won this title last week, and I thank you for taking me under your wing and teaching me how to be a mean parent.
To my children, your tiny, smug faces inspire me every day to be as mean as possible. Yes, Mommy won. Now, go to bed!
To all the little boys and girls out there watching my moment and dreaming of winning the title one day, I’m proof that if you act surly enough, you can also be up here accepting this award one day. It WILL get worse.
To anyone I may have forgotten, please know that I appreciate you and a part of this trophy belongs to you – if I could break it into a million pieces I would.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
“Do you see the moon? I’m gonna land on it one day.” Timmy Dzidrums
I Don’t See You
Ashley: “Mommy, Timmy is pretending I’m invisible again.”
Gonna be one of those days.
I was driving the kids to school today and glanced at Timmy to discover tears streaming down his cheeks. I asked him why he was upset, and he said, “Because we have to say goodbye to the Skywalkers this week.” My sweet, sensitive, nerdy boy who reacts to certain things with ten times the emotion of others.
Timmy: Momma, it pains me to tell you this, but I went into Ashley’s bedroom, and she was playing with her dolls instead of doing her silent reading time.
Me: Okay, but why were you in her bedroom? Why weren’t you at your desk doing YOUR silent reading time?
I think it’s safe to say that Ashley dominates Timmy’s thoughts even when he’s doing homework, like his sentences for his vocabulary words.
Mother of the Year
I’ll be accepting Mother of the Year honors later today…after Timmy stops crying because the tooth fairy forget to visit last night.