On a similar note, speaking only for myself, no matter how long it’s been since I have cut, the urge to do so never completely abandons me, no matter how much I wish it would. There are long periods when cutting never enters my mind. Then suddenly without warning, a deep desire to numb my emotions with a razor hits me strongly, and I don’t always know why.

I’ve been very depressed lately, and I can’t pinpoint it to just one element in my life. All I know is that lately I have felt hopeless, stilted and generally unhappy. And in the worst moments, the urge to lock myself in a bathroom and cut until I no longer feel the emotional pain haunts me.

Tonight my husband and I sat at the dinner table with our children. My two boys were  laughing and acting so well behaved. My infant daughter babbled happily. It was an idyllic picture, but inside I felt dead and disconnected.

“Look at your healthy, happy children,” I told myself. “Be grateful that you are all together…happy, healthy and content.”

I was grateful, though. Nearly every day I remind myself how lucky I am to have three thriving, joyful children, a husband who loves me dearly and healthy parents and siblings who live moments away. I live in a nice home in a wonderful part of the country and rarely stress over finances. All in all, I have a dream life, one that many people would want. So why did I feel so depressed? How come I wanted nothing more lately than to grab a razor and carve into my body?

I don’t know. I could analyze my feelings for hours but might never find the answer. Maybe my medication levels need to be adjusted. Perhaps there’s some unspoken issue between my husband and I. It could be that I’m feeling dissatisfied with my professional life. Or maybe it’s just that unexplainable depression and desire to cut that sometimes creeps up and makes my life difficult for several days.

I’ve made an appointment with my therapist to discuss my medication. My husband and I have scheduled a fun, no-kids outing for Friday, just the two of us. I’ve even started a new work project tonight which may hold my interest and eventually stir excitement in me. I’m being active, trying to nip these unwelcome feelings before I give into the urge to cut.

I don’t think I’ve cut since before my oldest son was born. He’s five. I have never wanted him to see bandages on my arms and ask, “Mommy, what’s that?” and had to answer him, either with the truth or a lie. My children have given me strong motivation for not cutting, but sometimes the desire is strong.

Tonight I finally told my husband about my wanting to cut. He thanked me for telling him and told me what a great job I’ve done of resisting the urge to cut. It meant the world to me to have such a strong support system in him. I wish everyone who cuts could have such a strong foundation behind them.

In that moment, I realized something, though. I shouldn’t have kept these feelings from him for so many days. I never should have felt guilty or ashamed of them. Recovering alcoholics have sponsors. Gamblers and people with eating disorders have support groups. Cutting is a disease, too, even if the rest of the world hasn’t recognized it yet. Why should I hide my problem from someone who loves me, from anyone who wants the best for me?

I didn’t die after telling my husband I wanted to cut. He didn’t shame me. A gigantic meteor didn’t fall out of the sky and land on our house. Nothing bad happened. In a small way, I felt better after telling him. So much guilt I felt over these feelings began to dissipate. Is my desire to cut still there? Yes, but it has eased somewhat. I hope that in a few days, the urge will be gone completely.

Don’t be afraid to tell someone you feel close to that you feel like cutting. Never let guilt or embarrassment or shame stop you from admitting that you need help getting through a rough patch. Whether or not society as a whole has acknowledged self-harm as a serious disease, it deserves to be treated like one. So please…don’t ever be afraid to seek help for it.

Read The Award-Winning Young Adult Novel

Cutters Don’t Cry – 19-year-old Charity Graff engages in self-harm. More specifically she cuts herself to numb emotions. In a series of raw journal entries, the confused teenager writes to her estranged father, filling him in on what’s happened in her life since he left her nearly 18 years ago. Throughout the course of her letter writing, Charity chronicles her penchant for cutting, a serious struggle with depression and her inability to vocally express her feelings.

Read it in Paperback

Read it Digitally

Recommend it on GoodReads

That’s the name of my most recent children’s book, and that’s the exact date when I came up with the idea for the work. Hillary Clinton was running for U.S. President, but on that June day, she officially ended her campaign.

This isn’t a political post. It doesn’t matter whether I supported Hillary myself, or whether I supported a different candidate. This is a post about women, girls, and their dreams.

After Hillary’s concession speech, I watched the network news interview a young black mother. The Hillary supporter was shedding tears over the turn of events. I don’t remember exactly what she said so I’m paraphrasing. I recall it was something like, “I really wanted my daughter to see a female president get elected.” Now I don’t think this woman supported Hillary based exclusively on her gender. I’d like to believe that the then U.S. senator’s gender was one of many reasons why she supported her. I hate to think of anyone voting for a candidate (or not voting for a candidate) based strictly on his or her gender, race, age, etc.

Hillary Clinton at her June 7, 2008, concession speech.
Getty Images

I was expecting my first child at the time. I remember thinking my second thought was…maybe our first female president is out there right now…holding an office, in school or in diapers. Wouldn’t it be neat to write a book that encouraged young girls to dream really big?

So I wrote a story about five young girls, all different but with the same dream: to be U.S. president someday. It took nearly five years, many rewrites, and a brilliant illustrator named Marshall Sugg, to make my vision a reality. In late March of this year, I finally held a copy of Future Presidents Club in my hands. And who knows… Hopefully somewhere in our wonderful country, a little girl might also hold the book in her hands, believing without a single doubt that she can one day become the President of the United States.

Read Future Presidents Club to your child.

Cutters Don’t Cry – 19-year-old Charity Graff engages in self-harm. More specifically she cuts herself to numb emotions. In a series of raw journal entries, the confused teenager writes to her estranged father, filling him in on what’s happened in her life since he left her nearly 18 years ago. Throughout the course of her letter writing, Charity chronicles her penchant for cutting, a serious struggle with depression and her inability to vocally express her feelings.

Read it in Paperback

Read it Digitally

Recommend it on GoodReads

Read The Award-Winning Young Adult Novel

Cutters Don’t Cry – 19-year-old Charity Graff engages in self-harm. More specifically she cuts herself to numb emotions. In a series of raw journal entries, the confused teenager writes to her estranged father, filling him in on what’s happened in her life since he left her nearly 18 years ago. Throughout the course of her letter writing, Charity chronicles her penchant for cutting, a serious struggle with depression and her inability to vocally express her feelings.

Read it in Paperback

Read it Digitally

Recommend it on GoodReads

1) The Fab Five
2) Gabby Douglas: Golden Smile, Golden Triumph
3) Nastia Liukin: Ballerina of Gymnastics
4) Shawn Johnson: Gymnastics Golden Girl
5) Future Presidents Club: Girls Rule
6) Jennie Finch: Softball Superstar
7) Yuna Kim: Ice Queen
8) Cutters Don’t Cry
9) Princess Dessabelle Makes a Friend
10) Fair Youth: Emylee of Forest Springs